My spam friends in the New Year's Honours

COMMANDER OF THE SPAM EMPIRE
Dudley Blanton, for services to weight loss

ORDER OF THE SPAM EMPIRE
Allyson R. Logan, collection of auction winnings

MEMBER OF THE SPAM EMPIRE
Bradly Colon, overnight shipping of medication

My Spam Friends live in concert

On lead guitar from Houston, Texas, please welcome Aminocenteses D. Namath! And on the drums... all the way from Mobile, Alabama... Mr Chance Santiago....!

My Spam Friends tag their Christmas pressies

To: Misti Thomley

From: Humberto Crandall

Very best wishes for Xmas and a great 2004.

My spam friends at the airport

Will passengers Dorothea Blankenship, Vouchsafe O. Maleness, Darnell Dupree and Wendell Dickins, on Spam Airlines Flight SA2781 to Boca Raton, please make their way urgently to Gate 18. This is a last call for passengers Blankenship, Maleness, Dupree and Dickins flying to Boca Raton on Spam Airlines.

My spam friends at the movies

New from Spam Studios

Starring
Destiny Barnett
Dewey Rivas

and

Introducing
Arnulfo Barton

in

You got junk mail

My spam friends go to Church

Vicar: And have you thought of a name for your child?

Parent: Well, we were considering Chadwick A. Hathaway

Vicar: Ah...er...we usually hope for something a little more, er, traditional. A name from the Bible perhaps?

Parent: How does Quincy Hobbs sound?

My spam friends at the doctor's surgery

Mr Joe Villalobos? Dr Ha1&o*ld will see you now ;-)

My spam friends at the company board meeting

Present:
Fanny Moreno, Elwood Kockler, Dorian Dunham, Carmel Risler, Vito Medeiros, Trenton Wesley.

Apologies:
Penelope Shoemaker, Pansy Mims.

My spam friends in the classroom

OK, let's see who's here this afternoon.

Dannie Spivey?

- Here Miss!

Marshall T. Stringer?

- Here Miss!

Luann Cisneros?

- Yes, Miss!

Where's Milagros D. Temple got to?

- He's smoking Viagra, Miss! Down by the bikesheds!

My spam friends at the racetrack

HORSE/TRAINER
Enlarge now
Patti Burke
2/1 favourite

HORSE/TRAINER
You have money!
Nelson Stephenson
11/4

HORSE/TRAINER
Fire your boss
Karina Brown
9/1

My spam friends in the book store

I'm looking for a book by someone called Jerrod Aguilar.

- Do you know which section it's in?

No, but it's all about getting Valium the easy way.

My spam friends stand for Parliament

The votes were cast as follows:

Moon, Freddie (The Lowest Prices Anywhere Party) 21,283
Jorgensen, Deena (Pharmacy Standards in Canada Party) 2,765
Ladney, Dudley (Safe and Natural Weight Loss System Party) 19,420
Barlow, Nettie (Lock In Your Interest Rate Party) 10,459

I therefore declare that Freddie Moon is duly elected to serve as the Member for Spamtown.

My spam friends on the football pitch

Two minutes to go, plus the time the referee elects to add on for stoppages. The corner is going to be taken by Jesus Compton. Delarosa's in the box with Marcelino Duke. Latonya Phillips is hovering on the edge of the area. The ball's sent to the far post... knocked on by Duke.... and there's the second! Chase Delarosa has done it again! Athletico Spama are surely through to the next round now!